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I'm Tired

Updated: Nov 23, 2019

I'm tired of being fake.

I'm tired of taking beautiful, clean pictures of my home, while right behind me, there's a huge mess of dirty dishes and laundry that isn't captured on camera. I'm tired of writing about vain, insignificant things that don't even interest me to impress a group of faceless people I don't even know. I'm tired of pretending how good I am outwardly, while just a few minutes prior, I acted terribly to a woman who cut me off in traffic. The truth is, I'm a broken individual who needs forgiveness from an Almighty Father.

My name is Jen. I have had about a thousand careers under the sun. Okay, that's a joke... sort of. In spite of the number of different jobs I've had, I've hated every single one of them. But with my newest job, I have been broken in ways I didn't even know I could be.

I'm a machine operator. That doesn't sound that bad, right? Honestly, it really isn't that bad and many people thrive at my career. But for me, this job is of the most needed, terrible, and humbling experiences I have ever gone through. Before this current profession, I was a stuck up, arrogant brat with illusions of grandeur. Well, sometimes I still am. I'm working on it... But this job (or should I say God) has changed me by slowly teaching me surrender, servant-heartedness, patience, and contentment.

I'll be totally honest: I absolutely hate my job and struggle to be content the majority of the time. I feel as if I have no purpose. I often question God as to why I am still there. I doubt His will more often than not, and sometimes I have to take a five minute bathroom break to cry it all out! But I do know one thing: I needed this job and I am here for a reason. Because of it, I have chosen to surrender my life to Christ. I no longer want to live a simple life, fixed on the things of this world, like blogging for attention, taking fake pictures, and using my gifts for no one but myself. I want to live a life that God has called me to live... even if it's in a profession that I despise, because I know God is working on me and through me.

Recently, I chose to delete my old, selfish blog that I spent way too much money on. Instead, I am starting a simple blog called Out of the Mire to write down my thoughts for women like you who need some encouragement. I still love to write and I still love to blog. That will never change. But I no longer want to write about selfish things I don't believe in. If this little blog encourages or speaks to just one woman who is struggling, then I have done what I've needed to do.

After all, it's all for the glory of God.

Are You a Broken Individual Too?

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