Updated: May 20, 2020
2019 was one of the most trying years of my life. Yet, if I hadn't gone through it, P40 Ministries would never gotten started. Here's a little part of my story.
I lost my career suddenly in 2018. I was a hairdresser and I had very few clients. I was having a hard time making a steady income, so my job eventually let me go for not producing enough. After that, I absolutely no vision for life, as every hairdressing job I had had turned out miserably. So I ultimately decided that I would go back to school. I did have an associates degree in business from several years prior, but I decided that "now would be a better time than ever to earn a degree in something I actually want to do." But because I didn't have a steady income, I had no way to pay for school. In order to support me, my husband agreed to pay for my college until I was able to find a stable job.
Around this time, I went to the doctor and got an MRI because of some terrible headaches that often became debilitating. I was diagnosed with phase 2 Degenerative Disk Disease. It caused me to have severe migraines regularly, and my shoulders were in pain on a daily basis. However, I still needed to find a job to pay for my school in spite of this new problem.
A month or two later, I went to a career fair. Since I was determined to be an engineer, even though my skill set is the exact opposite of engineering (that's a story for another day), I went to the only booth that was remotely related to engineering. They eventually hired me as a machine operator.
Thus began the hardest season I had ever experienced. I was working full-time in the morning and going to school full-time at night. I began to struggle with everything. My grades started to drop due to exhaustion and my depression was worse than it had ever been, to the point of suicidal. I had horrible insomnia at night which kept me from functioning properly during the day. The job was more physically challenging than I originally believed it to be. My right shoulder was in so much pain that I lost mobility of them on two separate occasions. To top it all off, my husband and I were getting into fights all the time. I was absolutely miserable and was having trouble coping with all the stress I had gotten myself into.
But then, I found God. I had known of God before. I grew up in the church and learned about Him every Sunday. I figured He was there somewhere, maybe watching me from a distance. But suddenly, during the lowest time in my life, God was real to me. He right there by my side. In fact, He always had been, but I was ignoring His presence. I began to draw close to Him, and He drew closer to me still.
Once I began to follow Christ, strange things started happening to me. I was being led to read books that were exactly what I needed to hear. People would say things to me that were answers to prayers, and they didn't even know I had been praying about those things. Verses would randomly show up in odd places that confirmed something I needed to know. Music was giving me comfort. I realized that God was gently speaking to me and comforting me during the hardest trial in my life.
A little while later, I came across a passage that spoke to my soul and gave me so much comfort:
"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him." (Psalm 40:1-3 NIV)
These verses are what inspired me to name my first blog "Out of the Mire." Later on, I changed the name to P40 Ministries, based off of Psalm 40.
Since I have always loved to write, this verse inspired me to start a blog for others who may be struggling and hurting the same way I was - feeling hopeless or lost, struggling with stress, anxiety, or sleeplessness, going through bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts, or struggling with marriage and having difficulty finding their purpose.
Honestly, I don't know what you may be struggling with. But I do know one thing: God knows exactly what you are going through.
In fact, if you are reading this, then God has indeed brought you here. I hope that P40 Ministries brings you comfort through the words that are written.