Endurance through Life

Updated: May 29, 2020

"I see now that to live for God, whether one is allowed ability to be actively useful or not, is a great thing, and that it is a wonderful mercy to be allowed even to suffer, if thereby one can glorify Him." -Elizabeth Prentiss

Have you ever taken a personality test?

Several months ago, I took a test called the Enneagram. I found out that I am a "3" on the testing scale, also known as "An Achiever." As I looked over the results, I was actually a little shocked. Basically, a "3" is a person who becomes extremely depressed if they feel like they aren't succeeding in life. They are very goal-oriented, enjoy improving themselves, and tend to be very driven people. Their biggest fear is feeling insignificant or worthless.

The funny thing is, when I took this test, I was at the crux of feeling worthless, unheard, purposeless, and insignificant. Nothing in my life was succeeding. My career was awful, and I felt stuck. My schooling felt like a waste of time, energy, and money, because I had no clue what I wanted to do. My marriage was at a very low point, which made me feel unheard and misunderstood. My mental health was also at a low point. This resulted in anxiety, sleeplessness, and depression. On top of this, I had daily headaches that often turned into migraines. All of these things were causing me to feel like I was failing. In my mind, I was doing the opposite of achieving, and I felt completely hopeless.

I remember questioning God. "God, if You created me to be an achiever, then why am I not achieving anything?" At the time, I just couldn't fathom why God would allow me to fail in every aspect of my life when He created me as someone who is driven by growth.