God’s Design for Marriage Part 1: The Foundation of Marriage and the Role of the In-Law

But from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will join to his wife, and the two will become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Mark 10:6-8

Recently on the Bible Explained Podcast, Jen did kind of a deep dive into marriage and what it should look like from God’s Word in two separate episodes. If you missed them, you can find them here.

Even though she covered a lot, there is still more that can be drawn out from Scripture. As our intro verse says, from the beginning of creation when God created mankind in His own image, He made them male and female. On the sixth day, God created male and female. 

God created man in His own image. In God’s image He created him; male and female He created them… God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good. There was evening and there was morning, a sixth day. Genesis 1:27, 31

Notice what God did. He made Adam first on the 6^th day, and then when it was made very clear to Adam that he needed someone, God then created Eve…on the 6^th day. The same day that He created Adam. 

This one detail cannot be ignored because from the very beginning of mankind the first human relationship that God created was the marriage relationship. It is the foundation of every other human relationship.

Many of us have kind of gotten this backward. We tend to think of the parental relationship as the foundation, but it is not. Without the joining of a man and a woman, there absolutely can be no parenting. Because of this, the marriage bond is a sacred union. And I say this because if you’ll notice, God says this joining is marriage, i.e. a man and his wife. 

I really believe that this is why there is such an all-out attack on marriage and has been ongoing since a few generations after Adam and Eve left the garden. The first attack came when someone by the name of Lamech decided to take two wives. This went completely against God’s command. 

Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh. Genesis 2:24; (Also repeated in Matthew 19:1, Mark 10:7, and Ephesians 5:31.)

Notice it doesn’t say join with his wives. Polygamy defiles the sacred relationship that God originally created.

The next attack came with divorce. This is also a defilement. In fact, when Jesus quotes this command in the gospels, He is specifically disputing divorce. 

This last sentence will probably ruffle a few feathers, but it shouldn’t even if it may apply to you. Divorce is very prevalent in our society. But just because it is common doesn’t mean it is correct. If there is divorce, it is because sin is involved and so it needs to be thought of as sin. We all have sin. The reason that Jesus died is because all have sinned and fall short of God’s glory. See Romans 3:23.

It seems that divorce has become acceptable because the marriage relationship is not considered sacred. I remember back in the late 70’s I had a friend who was getting married but wasn’t quite sure about the guy. Her remark was, “Well, I can always get a divorce.” That was the attitude back then and still is to this day, but Christians need to have correct thinking about this issue.

God intends for marriage to be a lifetime commitment. Because of this, no one should ever enter into it lightly or with a flippant attitude.

I got married on New Year’s Eve 1981 in Las Vegas, Nevada. We were 7^th in line. I remember when the couple that was 5^th in line came out, the groom yelled out loudly, “I want a divorce!” Everyone laughed. That is how God’s sacred relationship is treated regularly. 

Because of this we who are older Christians and have learned from our sins must teach our children to learn from them as well. Before they are married we have to be involved and teach and warn. I really believe that if we as parents see a serious problem when our older children are still under our authority, we can withhold blessing any bad decision especially if it is a marriage one. 

Also, there is one extremely vital thing that we should teach our children before they get married. Christian parents need to teach their children how to be a good spouse as commanded in the Bible. Their attitude should be directed to what the goal for their marriage should be according to what God says in His word. This will help them greatly in their marital relationship.

Once they get married, however, then it’s done. Our role in teaching and warning and withholding any blessing is over. That’s why it is so important to be diligent in directing our children in right relationships before they enter into them. Remember God’s command:

Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh…

This doesn’t mean that we no longer have a relationship with our kids, but that relationship has changed. Their foundational relationship is now their marriage. Parents who are women are commanded in Scripture to encourage this relationship.

and that older women likewise be reverent in behavior, not slanderers nor enslaved to much wine, teachers of that which is good that they may train the young wives to love their husbands, to love their children Titus 2:3-4

Notice what this verse commands. Those of us who are mothers-in-law are never to slander our child’s spouses. Instead we have to teach them to love their spouses. I can say pretty confidently that anyone who has been married for a while has times when they don’t feel like loving their spouses. When our children come to us to vent, this verse right here makes it very clear that we can’t inflame the situation even if we see things we don’t like. Instead, we need to put the fire out.

Now I have daughters. So this hits hard at me because this is not an easy command. When my girls are in distress, mama bear comes out. So I have learned that a good way of not getting involved in my children’s marriage struggles is to not know about them. Most times they will work them out themselves. But if it is something that needs the parent’s help or advice, then the command from God is clear. Our goal in advising our children is always to help them to succeed in their marriages.

An excellent way of helping our children to have a strong and healthy marriage is to love their spouse as you would your own child. Favoritism from parents is a marriage destroyer, and we as in-laws can avoid it if we foster a sincere love for our sons or daughters-in-law. When we as parents do this to our children’s spouses, we are loving our neighbor as ourselves. 

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. A second likewise is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40

Cultivating this kind of love is powerful and pleasing to God. It’s a win-win situation. When we love our child and their spouse as our own children, we will easily be able to encourage them in their marriage. We gain from it, and it is pleasing to our amazing, loving God. It also fosters a healthy and loving environment for any future grandchildren for us to love and enjoy.